e premte, 7 shtator 2007
Thank you for the memories.
I’ll never forget you, awkward first love. :D-an excerpt from my diary after Mitch and i broke up.
I've been doing some serious thinking these few days.
The question still lingers in the foreground of my mind..
Loads of boring, reflection stuff below. So don't bother reading, haha. :)
Maybe i just haven't matured enough yet.. But i do think i've grown up a lot these past few days.
In a way, i thank God for giving me two very different relationships in my life for me to experience. And so, for each one of them, i've learnt many new things.
For the first one:
Communication is an essential thing - i admit that one of the main reasons for the first r'ship was due to physical attraction and the thrill. Many misunderstandings and oh, all the angst, resulted from the lack of talking, smsing and well, chatting. I barely understood his character and i think, vice versa. I was shy and not really myself most of the time.
For the second one:
With Mark, i actually thought we stood the test of time and even pondered the possibility of us being together in the future. Although, that's not completely ruled out yet, well, there are currently many obstacles in the way. Communication was not a problem. I told him almost everything, mainly because i was the talkative one. We were close and, after prolonged periods of time, i became very dependent on him, emotionally, physically and materialistically. I was very comfortable in the r'ship because i could be completely myself and he very patiently put up with all my moodswings, jealousy and overall possessiveness. (Girls are crazy like that.)
Anyhow, that's when things worsened when, yes, i admit, i took him for granted. Or in his own words, "he spoiled me". I climbed all over him and, ya, the last straw broke the camel's back. Haha, sadly.
But hey, if you ever do read this, you've taught me a lot in this r'ship.
You taught me that love is not just 'taking' but a 'give and take'.
You taught me that ideal love where one party just whole-heartedly accepts the other, without question, regardless of flaws, through thick and thin is FALSE. Accomodation is vital so that compromises can occur.
You taught me that you don't just love someone for their pros and hate for their cons. Its not simply. You love someone as a balanced whole person.
I learnt that superficial things like smsing and PDA are unimportant and trust, dependence and security are more crucial elements.
And although, right now, i'm suffering more than ever. I don't think i'll blame you or hate you or do any of the stupid crazy things i did the past few days.
Because, most importantly, this relationship has taught me the IMPORTANCE OF FRIENDS.
The people listed below are currently the most important people of my life.
Chris, Lar, Manda - You guys have always been my darlings and i've loved you guys so very much. I have, regretably, neglected you guys in the past, putting some guy of higher priority than you guys. I just want to say that I am so so sorry. The way you've taken me back and provided me the distraction and support i so desperately need now is just, well, i'm so thankful! :)
Evonne, Nah, Nick - Even though we had prelims and i know how hard you'd want to study, on knowing that Mark and i broke up, you guys stopped studying and brought me out to have so much fun, distracting me from all the nonsense and provided me with so so much comfort. You guys are my NEW LOVES OF MY LIFE. :)
Aah, i cannot explicit write how i feel right now.
I was so distraught and upset last night. And after smsing Evonne, Bra and Nick, i felt slightly better.
Talked to Nick on the phone and he cheered me up. Next thing i know, i'm talking online to Chris and Manda and immediately i forgot all the sadness. Today, time spent with the Chiogang really made me see that i've been SO WRONG all these while investing my hopes and loves on ONE guy when i should have placed it on all my friends. <3
I'm becoming emotional again. But thanks ya? I absolutely adore you folks. ALL MY HEART. Seriously and truthfully.
<33333333333333333>
What happened? I was here once already wasn't i? Relax, we're here
- Nick, after i told him that i was sad and that mark and i were over.
(Oh man, that message just made me a thousand times happier.)
Lin at 7:30 m.d.
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